Contempt Is The Weapon Of

The Reason Why Parents Mistreat Their Children Has Less To Do With Character And Temperament Than With The Fact That They Were Mistreated Themselves And Were Not Permitted To Defend Themselves.

Quite Often I Have Been Faced With People Who Were Praised And Admired For Their Talents And Their Achievements... According To Prevailing Attitudes, These People-the Pride And Joy Of Their Parents-should Have Had A Strong And Stable Sense Of Self-assurance. But The Case Is Exactly The Opposite... Whenever They Suddenly Get The Feeling They Have Failed To Live Up To Some Ideal Image Or Have Not Measured Up To Some Standard, Then They Are Plagued By Anxiety Or Deep Feelings Of Guilt And Shame. What Are The Reasons For Such Disturbances In These Competent, Accomplished People?

The Attempt To Be An Ideal Parent, That Is, To Behave Correctly Toward The Child, To Raise Her Correctly, Not To Give To Little Ortoo Much, Is In Essence An Attempt To Be The Ideal Child--well Behaved And Dutiful--of One's Own Parents. But As A Result Of These Efforts The Needs Of The Child Go Unnoticed. I Cannot Listen To My Child With Empathy If I Am Inwardly Preoccupied With Being A Good Mother; I Cannot Be Open To What She Is Telling Me.

An Unacknowledged Trauma Is Like A Wound That Never Heals Over And May Start To Bleed Again At Any Time.

You Gotta Keep That In Check - You Got To.