Carol Leifer Is Funny, Really

You Don't Pay Taxes; They Take Them From Your Check. That's Not A Payment - That's A 'jack.

A Comedian Has To Live In His Head. All This Comedy Comes From A Lonely Place. When You're Surrounded By An Entourage, You're Not Living In Your Head.

I'm In Show Business... I Want To Hang Out With Janet Jackson, Not Jesse Jackson.

You Can't Have Anything Valuable In Your House. Niggers Will Break In And Take It All! Everything White People Don't Like About Black People, Black People Don't Like About Black People. It's Like Our Own Personal Civil War. On One Side, There's Black People. On The Other, You've Got Niggers. The Niggers Have Got To Go. I Love Black People, But I Hate Niggers. I Am Tired Of Niggers. Tired, Tired, Tired.

Nobody's Good. I Hate It. I Truly Hate It. I Mean, There's A Lot Of Guys Doing Stuff I Admire, But Stand-up-wise I Feel Very Alone. I Really Miss Bill Hicks. I Wish I Could Have Put Him On My Show. And I Really Miss Sam Kinison A Lot. Richard Pryor's Sick... It's Like You Get Here And Then, Oh Wait A Minute, There's Nobody Here Any More. I Feel Like The Guy Who Finally Got Into Studio 54, Three Years Too Late, Duh, Where Are All The Famous People?