Bert Williams Was The Funniest

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Whisky Sours.

Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death, Where Is Thy Sting?

I've Been On A 46-year Diet Of Olives And Alcohol. The Latter I Consume. The Former I Save And Use Over Again In More Alcohol. In My Lifetime, I Imagine, I Have Consumed At Least $200,000 Worth Of Whisky.

Once, During Prohibition, I Was Forced To Live For Days On Nothing But Food And Water.

It's What You Do That Counts And Not What You Say; Therefore I Fired My Press Agent.