Being Sober On A Bus

It Took A Lot Of Water To Down Just That F-king Bat's Head, Let Me Tell You. It's Still Stuck In My F-king Throat, After All These Years. People All Over The World Say, 'you're The Guy Who Kills Creatures? You Still Do It? You Do It Every Night?' It Happened F-king Once, For Christ's Sake.

I Tried Heroin Once And I Didn't Like It. It Frightened Me.

My Stay In Camp Betty Was The Longest I'd Been Without Drink Or Drugs In My Adult Life. [...] At First, They Put Me In A Room With A Guy Who Owned A Bowling Alley, But He Snored Like An Asthmatic Horse, So I Moved And Ended Up With A Depressive Mortician. [...] The Mortician Snored Even Louder Than The Bowling Alley Guy - He Was Like A Moose With A Tracheotomy.

The First Question That Comes Out Of Everybody's Mouth, 'did You Bite The Head Off A Bat?' And I Did, So, Next.

My Philosophy Is If You're Happy Being A Born - Again Christian, If You're Happy Be­ing A Roman Catholic, If You're Happy Being A Jew Or Moslem ... Great!! I'm Happy Being Ozzy.