Being An Only Child, I

I'm A Nice Middle Class Public Schoolboy Who Underachieved And Wasn't Going Anywhere Fast. I Didn't Get Any Gcses Or A-levels. But Everyone Was Like: "please, Will You Do Something?" And I Was Thinking: "well, I Kind Of Like The Idea Of Joining The French Foreign Legion."

I'd Learned How To Lie And Manipulate From An Early Age So A Combination Of That, Desperation, Having To Have My Own Fridge And My Umbilical Cord Back... I Had To Go Out Into The World. Then Some Angel Somewhere Said: "have You Considered Going To Drama School?" And This Sounded Like The Solution To All Of My Problems.

I Liked You Better When You Were Drunk .

I'm Very Sensitive. Because My Mum Was My Primary Emotional Caregiver Growing Up, I Found Myself Being Pinned Into Dresses, Darting Her Dresses, Choosing Her High Heels For The Evening Or What To Wear. I'm Very Much A Mommy's Boy.

I Have To Make My Bones With Hollywood To Get In. And When I Do Maybe I'll Metamorphose From Mr. Muscles Or Whatever It Is I Am Now And Become An Irascible Tosser.