Basically, I Started On Stage

The Republicans Are The Party Of Bad Ideas. The Democrats Are The Party Of No Ideas.

I Think Comics In New York Are Interested In Being Comics. And There're Comics In L.a. Who Are Touring Comics, Who Are Certainly More Interested In Stand-up, But A Lot Of L.a. Stand-ups Are Really Looking To Do Something Else.

Stupidity Really Gets Me Going, When It's Just Plain Stupid, Obvious Stupidity.

I Do Not Make Jokes About Sarah Palin Simply Because I Could Not Live In This World If I Believed She Was A Real Person.

Jesse Ventura Is Basically Proof That The People Of Minnesota Are Not Social Drinkers... They Are Obviously Alcoholics.