Baptists Are Only Funny Underwater.

There Are Two Million Interesting People In New York And Only Seventy-eight In Los Angeles.

Once You Start Compromising Your Thoughts, You're A Candidate For Mediocrity.

Writing Is An Escape From A World That Crowds Me. I Like Being Alone In A Room. It's Almost A Form Of Meditation- An Investigation Of My Own Life.

How Long Do You Want To Wait Until You Start Enjoying Life? When You're Sixty-five You Get Social Security.

You Must Realize That Honorary Degrees Are Given Generally To People Whose Sat Scores Were Too Low To Get Them Into Schools The Regular Way. As A Matter Of Fact, It Was My Sat Scores That Led Me Into My Present Vocation In Life, Comedy.