Babies On Television Never Spit

I Don't Know When Pepper Mills In A Restaurant Got To Be Right Behind Frankincense And Myrrh In Prominence. It Used To Be In A Little Jar That Sat Next To The Salt On The Table And Everyone Passed It Around, Sneezed, And It Was No Big Deal.

Never Accept A Drink From A Urologist.

When You Leave Them In The Morning, They Stick Their Nose In The Door Crack And Stand There Like A Portrait Until You Turn The Key Eight Hours Later.

I Learned The Importance Of A Man's Chair Early In Life. I Learned That He May Love Several Wives, Embrace Several Cars, Be True To More Than One Political Philosophy, And Be Equally Committed To Several Careers, But He Will Have Only One Comfortable Chair In His Life. I Learned It Will Be An Ugly Chair. It Will Match Nothing In The Entire House. It Will Never Wear Out.

For Some Unexplained Reason, It's Always The Other End Of The Table That's Wild And Raucous, With Screaming Laughter And A Fella Who Plays 'holiday For Strings' On Water Glasses.