As Socrates I Believe Said

I Think That Comedy Is A Good Defense For A Child. Because You Know Childhood Is A Nightmare As It Is. And So Why Not Use Comedy And Being Funny As A Defense To Get Through Your Life As Opposed To Drugs, Alcohol And Good Looks? Because Those Things Are Dangerous When Your Young.

I Have A Friend Who Actually Told Me That She'd Rather Be Dead Than Be Fat. This Is A Woman Who, If I Order A Sandwich At Lunch, She'll Order A Salad. If I Order A Salad, She'll Order Half A Cantaloupe. If I Order Half A Cantaloupe, She'll Order A Cup Of Coffee. This Bizarre Contest Continues Until She's Down To Sucking On A Mint-flavored Toothpick. At This Rate, Her Preference For Dying Over Being Fat Could Be A Reality Sooner Than She Thinks.

I Interviewed Ann Coulter When I Was Sitting In For Larry King A Couple Of Times, And We Have A Rapport. I Like To Talk To Her.

I Don't Know What It's Going To Take For People To Really Wake Up And Understand That They [the Bush Administration] Are Liars And They Are Murderers.

It's Not Interesting Enough If You Don't Know Who You Are, What You Want. You Need To Make Educated Decisions About Your Moves And Talk To People Who Care About You. And You Need To Have People Who Will Have Your Back.