And Turkeys Are A Bird.

Just Went To A Lovely Catholic Wedding. I Need A Drink. They Didn't Even Offer Us Water. Well They Did, But It Was Holy Water.

I Like To Approach Every Day Like It's My First, So This Morning When I Woke Up I Covered My Body With Red Gelatin.

My Dad's Like, If Your Mom And I Are Having Sex And We Videotape It And She Falls Out Of Bed Funny, Can I Win Ten-thousand Dollars?

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

I Have The Brain Of A German Shepherd And The Body Of A 16-year-old Boy; They’re Both In My Car And I Want You To See Them