All My Humor Is Based

Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles Is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's Goyish. B'nai B'rith Is Goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If You Live In New York Or Any Other Big City, You Are Jewish. It Doesn't Matter Even If You're Catholic; If You Live In New York, You're Jewish. If You Live In Butte, Montana, You're Going To Be Goyish Even If You're Jewish.

A Lot Of People Say To Me, 'why Did You Kill Christ?' I Dunno, It Was One Of Those Parties, Got Out Of Hand, You Know.

Darwin's Theory Is As Dead As He Is. Everyone Is Surviving, Fit Or Not. Years Ago, Any Kid Dumb Enough To Chase A Shiny Object Down A Well Was Dead, And Out Of The Gene Pool. Now They Got The Technology And Medicine To Save The Fool So He Can Breed More Open Mouth Breathers.

Marijuana Will Be Legal Some Day, Because The Many Law Students Who Now Smoke Pot Will Someday Become Congressmen And Legalize It In Order To Protect Themselves.

Communism Is Like One Big Phone Company.