All Comedians Are, In A

It's Getting Harder And Harder To Differentiate Between Schizophrenics And People Talking On A Cell Phone. It Still Brings Me Up Short To Walk By Somebody Who Appears To Be Talking To Themselves.

I Don't Like Country Music, But I Don't Mean To Denigrate Those Who Do. And For The People Who Like Country Music, Denigrate Means 'put Down'.

I've Done More Than I Thought I Was Ever Going To Do. I've Had A Very Long And Very Satisfying Career.

All Comedians Are, In A Way, Anarchists. Our Job Is To Make Fun Of The Existing World.

One Of The First Things That You Learn As A Stand-up Is, You're The Boss. It's Your Stage, And Don't Screw With Me Because I'll Make You Look Bad, Which I Had To Do, Because You Wind Up With Drunks And Loud People.