A Woman Is Like Beer.

You Know, I've Been Thinking. Everyone Makes Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches But Usually The Jelly Drips Out All Over The Side And The Guy's Hands Get All Sticky. But Your Jelly Stays Right In The Middle Where It's Supposed To. I Don't Know How You Do It? You Just Got A Gift, I Guess. I've Always Thought So. I've Just Never Mentioned It. But It's Time You Knew How I Feel. I Don't Believe In Keeping Feelings Bottled Up. Goodbye, My Wife.

A Lot Of Our Writers, Like Conan O'brien, Moved On To Other Things.

When You're As Important As I Am, Getting Your Feelings Hurt By Me Is Almost An Honor.

I Don't Mind Sharing The Blame If She'll Just Admit She Started It.

You Know, The Courts May Not Be Working Any More, But As Long As Everyone Is Videotaping Everyone Else, Justice Will Be Done.