A Vacation Is Having Nothing

I Got A Valentine's Day Card From My Girl. It Said, 'take My Heart! Take My Arms! Take My Lips!' Which Is Just Like Her. Keeping The Best Part For Herself.

I Remember When Humor Was Gentle Pokes. I Used To Call It 'arm Around The Shoulder' Humor. Now They Go For The Jugular And They Take No Prisoners. It's Mean, Mean Stuff.

If At First You Don't Succeed-try, Try Again. Don't Think Of It As Failure. Think Of It As Timed-release Success.

I Take My Children Everywhere, But They Always Find Their Way Back Home.

It Always Seems To Someone Outside The Business That It Is Very Difficult To Write For A Comedy Show Because It Must Be Done Quickly. Actually, It Is Much Easier To Write This Humor Than To Do A Joke Or A Show From Scratch, Because The Audience Knows The Plot. Just Mention What Is Going On And Then Deliver The Punch Line.