A Two-pound Turkey And A

I'm An Entertainer; I Try To Give The Public What It Wants While I'm On The Screen, And I'm Completely Sincere About It. If I Don't Happen To Be A Laughing Boy Off The Screen, That Doesn't Make Me A Hypocrite Or A Phony.

Did You Know Richard Nixon Is The Only President Whose Formal Portrait Was Painted By A Police Sketch Artist?

Happiness Is Sitting Down To Watch Some Slides Of Your Neighbor's Vacation And Finding Out That He Spent Two Weeks In A Nudist Colony.

I Can't Go Anywhere Without Being Bugged By Somebody. I'd Love To Just Hike Out Down The Street, Or Drop In A Restaurant, Or Wander In The Park, Or Take My Kids Somewhere Without Collecting A Trail Of People. But I Can't.

Air Canada. That's A Good Name For A Canadian Airline.