A Dodger Uniform Just Doesn't

I Think It's Easier For African American And White Comics To Be Praised Than It Is Latinos Because They Think Our Culture Or Our Humor Is Substandard. I Mean, I Just Don't Think They Want To Give Us Credit. I Just Don't Think That They See Us As Important Enough To Be At Their Level. I'm The Longest-produced Comedy At Warner Bros. And I Don't Feel Special. They Come Over And Say Hello. But Everybody's Gonna Make A Lot Of Money And I Don't Feel Like I'm Special To Them.

If You Make Waffles, Throw Out The First One.

I Have Dogs In My House And Much Like Teenagers At Some Point, They Leave The Parents. Even Though They're In The Same House, They Live Independently. I Think That's How I Live With The Chihuahuas.

My Wife Gave Me A Book Before We Got Married, Oh, The Places You'll Go!, By Dr. Seuss. She Was Trying To Tell Me Something, About What I Was Capable Of, But I Didn't Get It. Over Time, I've Sort Of Lived The Message In That Book, And I Couldn't Have Without What Golf Taught Me. So I Put It In My Bag While I Played The Old Course, And On The Last Hole When I Posed On The Swilcan Bridge, I Held It Up.

If The Worst Thing That Can Happen Is That Nobody Laughs, Then I Can Deal With That, Because The Worst Thing That Can Happen At The Factory Is That I Could Lose A Limb Or Be Crushed By A Huge Machine.