A Couple Weeks Ago I

My Friend Named His Car. And I Don't Want To Be Judgemental, But... What A Dork.

I Used To Play Sports. Then I Realized You Can Buy Trophies. Now I Am Good At Everything.

We Do Not Allow Dwarf Tossing. If You Toss A Dwarf, The Dwarf Will Be Tossed Right Back At You, But Faster.

The Best Way To Make Somebody Feel Important Is To Try To Assassinate Them.

I Think As A Performer, It Can Be Really Great To Stand On Stage, Especially When You Have More Time, But I Do Think About The Specific People In The Audience, How It's Hard For Them To Get Up And Go To The Bathroom, How They Chose Not To Do Other Things That Night And Have Turned Off Their Phones And Everything. So For That Reason, I Think It's Necessary To Mix It Up And Talk To The Audience.