You Know You Have A

Fat Jokes To Me Are Always, Always Hilarious, As Long As They're Done Towards Yourself.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.

I Have A 60-acre Farm In North Carolina, And I Have A Tractor And A Farmhouse. As Soon As I Groom The Land, I Want To Put Cabins Around And Have A Place Where People Can Write And Hang Out. It'll Be Either That Or An All-black Nudist Colony.

My Name Is Zach Galifianakis And I Hope I'm Pronouncing That Right. I'm Named After My Granddad, My Middle Name. My Name Is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

I Call My Balls The Bush Twins.