The Pope Also Said That

Number One: Don't Frisk Me. Don't Hurt Me Physically. Don't Get Anywhere Near My Neck. And Don't Call Me Regis.

So They Caught Gadhafi In A Storm Sewer And Shot Him. Or As They Call It In The Middle East, An Orderly Transfer Of Power.

Do You Remember When You Found Out There Was No Santa Claus? I Was So Upset I Didn't Think I'd Be Able To Do The Show.

You Can't Eat Tomatoes Because They're Tainted With Deadly Salmonella. First There Was Tainted Lettuce. Now, Tainted Tomatoes. Who Would Have Thought That The Healthiest Part Of A B.l.t. Would Be The Bacon?

Today Is Tax Day. A Lot Of People Are Hoping They Get Refunds. And That's Just The Folks Here In The Audience.