Today Is Tax Day. A

Nothing, Believe Me, Nothing Is More Satisfying To Me Personally Than Getting A Great Idea And Then Beatin' It To Death.

Recently A Guy Was Having Trouble With His Computer. So He Unplugs It, Takes It Out In The Alley, Pulls Out A Gun, And Shoots It Eight Times. Coincidentally, That's How Hillary Got Rid Of Her Emails.

I Want To Tell You Though, I'm Having The Absolute Best Birthday Ever. Last Night -- This Was So Sweet, It Means A Great Deal To Me -- The Other Cult Members Got Together And They All Took Me Out To See Star Wars.

How About That Oil Slick In The Gulf Of Mexico. And You Know, The Oil Slick Is Going Everywhere. So The Next Time Somebody Lands On The Hudson, It Won't Be That Big A Deal.

Keep In Mind That Your Individual Vote Doesn't Mean Anything.