The Good Die Young, Because

You Can't Drown Yourself In Drink. I've Tried; You Float.

I Would Like To Find A Stew That Will Give Me Heartburn Immediately, Instead Of At Three O Clock In The Morning.

My Wife Is The Kind Of Girl Who Will Not Go Anywhere Without Her Mother, And Her Mother Will Go Anywhere.

America Is The Country Where You Can Buy A Lifetime Supply Of Aspirin For One Dollar And Use It Up In Two Weeks.

My Wife Was Too Beautiful For Words, But Not For Arguments.