I'm Like Will Rogers, I

I Gambled At The Crap Table All Night And Finally Lost $8, But During That Time The House Gave Me Four Drinks And Two Cigars, So It Was Still A Lot Cheaper Than Renting A Room.

When I Give Concerts, The Tickets Sell For Five Dollars To One Hundred Dollars, But For My Concerts The Five-dollar Seats Are Down In Front... The Further Back You Go, The More You Have To Pay. The Hundred Dollar Seats Are The Last Two Rows, And Those Tickets Go Like Hotcakes! In Fact, If You Pay Two Hundred Dollars You Don't Have To Come At All.

I Was Going To Buy My Girl A Packard Car For Christmas, But It Took Too Long To Deliver, So I Bought Her Some Handkerchiefs.

Age Is Something That Doesn't Matter, Unless You Are A Cheese. Age Is Strictly A Case Of Mind Over Matter. If You Don't Mind, It Doesn't Matter.

Try Saving When Your Salary Is Low. So After Making More Money, You Will Not Be Able To Do This Anywhere