You're Only As Smart As

Opening Day -- Or Opening Day. Depending On How You Feel About It.

After I Won 21 Games, I Said, "this Isn't That Hard Actually. I Can Do This Every Year For Maybe 10, 15 Years." To Tell You The Truth I Thought I Was Going To Be In The Hall Of Fame. I Really Thought That. You Feel So Strong, So Powerful Walking Down The Street. You Know You Can Throw A Ball Harder Than Any Man In The World, Or Certainly The Top Five. Sandy Koufax Knocked All Of Us Out Of The Box On That One, So We Would Think, "i'm The Second Or Third Hardest Thrower In The Game."

Jim Pagliaroni Joined The Club Tonight And Is Going To Be A Welcome Addition. He Was Describing A Girl That One Of The Ballplayers Had Been Out With And Said, “it's Hard To Say Exactly What She Looked Like. She Was Kind Of Joe Torre With Tits.” This Joke Can Only Be Explained With A Picture Of Joe Torre. But I'm Not Sure Any Exist. He Dissolves Camera Lenses.

A Lot Of Long Relievers Are Ashamed To Tell Their Parents What They Do. The Only Nice Thing About It Is That You Get To Wear A Uniform Like Everbody Else.

For A Hundred Years, The Owners Screwed The Players. For 25 Years, The Players Have Screwed The Owners-they've Got 75 Years To Go.