You Might Be A Redneck

You Might Be A Redneck If A Full-grown Ostrich Has Fewer Feathers Than Your Cowboy Hat.

If You Ever Start Feeling Like You Have The Goofiest, Craziest, Most Dysfunctional Family In The World, All You Have To Do Is Go To A State Fair. Because Five Minutes At The Fair, You'll Be Going, 'you Know, We're Alright. We Are Dang Near Royalty.'

You Might Be A Redneck If You Grow Vidalia Onions, Rather Than Considering Them A Gourmet Item.

The Only Negative About Doing Stand-up Is That You're On The Road By Yourself. When You're On The Road With Comics We Just Crack Each Other Up Every Night Going, "can You Believe They're Paying Us To Do This? They're Crazy.

Ladies Have Come Up With All These Expressions To Reassure Men. "oh, Honey, It's Not The Size Of The Ship, It's The Motion Of The Ocean." That May Be True, But It Takes A Long Time To Get To England In A Rowboat.