You'll Remember Someone Who Broke

We Had No Irony When It Came To Girls, Though. There Was Just No Time To Develop It. One Moment They Weren't There, Not In Any Form That Interested Us, Anyway, And The Next You Couldn't Miss Them; They Were Everywhere, All Over The Place. One Moment You Wanted To Clonk Them On The Head For Being Your Sister, Or Someone Else's Sister, And The Next You Wanted To....actually, We Didn't Know What We Wanted Next, But It Was Something. Almost Overnight, All These Sisters (there Was No Other Kind Of Girl, Not Yet)had Become Interesting, Disturbing, Even.

I Used To Believe, Although I Don't Now, That Growing And Growing Up Are Analogous, That Both Are Inevitable And Uncontrollable Processes. Now It Seems To Me That Growing Up Is Governed By The Will, That One Can Choose To Become An Adult, But Only At Given Moments. These Moments Come Along Fairly Infrequently -during Crises In Relationships, For Example, Or When One Has Been Given The Chance To Start Afresh Somewhere- And One Can Ignore Them Or Seize Them.

I Never Really Recovered From The Shock Of Discovering That Women Do What We Do; They Save Their Best Pairs For The Nights When They Are Going To Sleep With Somebody. When You Live With A Woman, These Faded, Shrunken Tatty Scraps Suddenly Appear On Radiators All Over The House; Your Lascivious Schoolboy Dreams Of Adulthood As A Time When You Are Surrounded By Exotic Lingerie For Ever And Ever Amen...those Dreams Crumble To Dust.

Love, It Turns Out, Is As Undemocratic As Money, So It Accumulates Around People Who Have Plenty Of It Already: The Sane, The Healthy, The Lovable.

The Artistic Temperament Is Particularly Unhelpful If It Is Just That, With No End Product.