You Know You're Rich When

I Used To Have Horrible Cars That Would Always End Up Broken Down On The Highway. When I Tried To Flag Someone Down, Nobody Stopped. But If I Pushed My Own Car, Other Drivers Would Get Out And Push With Me. If You Want Help, Help Yourself - People Like To See That.

I Love Having Somebody There - That Companion Thing. You Know Who You're Going To Eat With, Who You're Going To See A Movie With.

We Americans Commercialize Everything. Look At What We Did To Christmas. Christmas Is Jesus' Birthday. Now, I Don't Know Jesus, But From What I Read He Was The Least Materialistic Person Who Ever Walked The Earth. No Bling On Jesus. He Kept A Low Profile And We Turned His Birthday Into The Most Commercial Day Of The Year. In Fact We Have A Whole Jesus Birthday Season. And Then At The End Of It, We Have The Nerve To Have An Economist Come On Tv And Say What A Horrible Jesus Birthday Season We Had.

Bill Cosby Was The First Comedian I Was Exposed To, Because He Doesn't Curse.

There's Not One Reference In That Thing That Doesn't Play. People Deal With Emotions In Music All The Time, But Comedians Are Always Talking About What They See. But We Seldom Talk About What We Feel.