You Know, I Think Whatever

They've Got Great Parents; I'm Just Trying To Be The Fun Uncle.

If You Take A Shower With Your Boyfriend, I Guarantee By The Time You Step Out Of That Shower, Your Breasts Will Be Sparkling Clean.

I Mean, I Love Being With Friends And I Love Kissing And Loving Someone To Pieces. But It's Hard To Find Someone Who Doesn't Ultimately Start Judging You And Your Choices.

And Then Before Going Back For My Sophomore Year, I Decided To Change My Major To Arts And Sciences, And My Dad Cut A Deal With Me: He Said If I'd Quit School He'd Pay My Rent For The Next Three Years, As If I Were In School.

I Like Talking About Things That Are Taboo, Because It Makes Them Not Taboo Anymore.