You Can Say 'thanks,' And

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Making A Connection With A Stranger, But Then It Turns Out I'm Not. Like, I Was In A Mall, And I Saw This Lady Hitting Her Kid. So I Went Up To Her, And I Was Like, "yeah, Get Him!" She Got All Mad At Me. I Was Like, "i'm On Your Side Here."

At The Battle Of The Bands The Loser's Always The Audience.

I Like To Go To Concerts Because I Love To See My Favorite Band Through The Phone Of The Asshole Who's Standing In Front Of Me.

The Digital Camera Is A Great Invention Because It Allows Us To Reminisce. Instantly.

My Friend Asked Me I Ever Swam With Dolphins. I Was Like, 'yeah, Of Course. What Distance Are We Talking About From The Dolphins? Because The Last Time I Was In The Ocean, I'm Pretty Sure I Swam With Most Of Them.'