You Are Only Pretentious If

Stories Hold Power Because They Convey The Illusion That Life Has Purpose And Direction. Where God Is Absent From The Lives Of All But The Most Blessed, The Writer, Of All People, Replaces That Ordering Principle. Stories Make Sense When So Much Around Us Is Senseless, And Perhaps What Makes Them Most Comforting Is That, While Life Goes On And Pain Goes On, Stories Do Us The Favor Of Ending.

Even In My Own Life, There Are Memories I Have That Are Difficult To Explain - Happenings That Are So Odd And Unaccountably Weird, That It Is Difficult To Imagine They Were Not The Result Of Prolonged And Frequent Contact With Aliens Throughout My Life.

If You Have Not Seen It, Football Is A Game In Which Men Shove One Another Back And Forth For No Reason. They Do Not Choose How, When, Or Whom They Shove. They Are Doing This In Order To Please One Angry Old Man On The Sidelines. This Old Man Is Called The 'coach' Or 'yelling Surrogate' Dad Who Will Never Be Happy.

I Am Someone Who Values Truth - Actual Truth As Opposed To 'truthiness.'

I've Made My Evolutionary Purpose And Had Children. I Don't Care If Anybody Likes Me, I'm Going To Do What I Want To Do. I'm Going To Do A Whole Comedy Show About Swimming In The Loathsomely Cold Waters Of Maine.