Yeah, I'm Running For The

All The Problems We Face In The United States Today Can Be Traced To An Unenlightened Immigration Policy On The Part Of The American Indian.

Marijuana Should Be Licensed And Kept Out Of The Hands Of Teenagers. It's Too Good For Them.

I Read An Article That Said One In Five Americans Thinks Elvis Is Alive. I Want To Find Those Morons And Get Them Registered To Vote For Me.

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

Presidents Tend To Tinker, You Know, And Mess Everything Up.