Yeah, I'm Running For The

Now That My Wine Has Been Served In The White House, Why Not Me? Who Could Talk To Farmers Better Than I? Somebody Even Asked Me The Other Day If I Had Anything In My Platform About Taxes. 'hell Yes,' I Said. 'great State. But I Wouldn't Want To Live There.'

It Is True That All Of The Current Presidential Candidates Once Denied That They Had Any Intention Of Running. But The Fact That I Am Also A Liar, Doesn't Make Me A Candidate.

Yeah, I'm Running For The White House Again. Well, It's Not A Run, Really; It's Sort Of A Brisk Walk.

If You're Old Enough To Be Arrested, You're Old Enough To Carry A Gun.

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.