Ye Gads, No! I Couldn't

It's What You Do That Counts And Not What You Say; Therefore I Fired My Press Agent.

So Long As The Presence Of Death Lurks With Anyone Who Goes Through The Simple Act Of Swallowing, I Will Make Mine Whiskey.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

Beer: Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 3000 B. C.