Writers Who Have Nothing To

The Proliferation Of Support Groups Suggests To Me That Too Many Americans Are Growing Up In Homes That Do Not Contain A Grandmoth.

Hereditary Monarchy Offers Numerous Advantages For America. It Is The Only Form Of Government Able To Unify A Heterogeneous People. Thanks To Centuries Of Dynastic Marriage, The Family Tree Of Every Royal House Is An Ethnic Grab Bag With Something For Everybody. We Need This Badly; America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home. We Can't Go On Much Longer Depending Upon Disasters Like Pearl Harbor And The Iranian Hostage-taking To "bring Us Together.

For Men Who Want To Flee Family Man America And Never Come Back, There Is A Guaranteed Solution: Homosexuality Is The New French Foreign Legion.

Familiarity Breeds Democracry.

We Want A President Who Is As Much Like An American Tourist As Possible. Someone With The Same Goofy Grin, The Same Innocent Intentions, The Same Naive Trust; A President With No Conception Of Foreign Policy And No Discernible Connection To The U.s. Government, Whose Nice Guyism Will Narrow The Gap Between The U.s. And Us Until Nobody Can Tell The Difference.