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According To Time Magazine, Global Warming Is 33% Worse Than We Thought. You Know What That Means? Al Gore Is One-third More Annoying Than We Thought.

The Hot Gossip In Washington Is That Condoleezza Rice Might Have A New Boyfriend. Secretary Of State Rice Is Being Linked To Canada's Foreign Minister, Peter Mackay. It's Gotta Be Awkward Dating A Fellow Diplomat. Like Today, Mackay Had To Promise Condi He Would Get Permission From The U.n. Before He Invaded Her.

How Would It Be If We Discovered That Aliens Only Stopped By Earth To Let Their Kids Take A Leak?

The Reason There Are Two Senators For Each State Is So That One Can Be The Designated Driver.

Yesterday President Obama Said, 'we Can't Continue To Treat Tax Money Like Monopoly Money.' Oh Really - How Come All Those Guys On Wall Street Got 'get Out Of Jail Free' Cards?