While I Was Gone, I

They Found A Scrapbook With Photos Of Osama Bin Laden From The '90s, And They're Studying Each And Every Photo Very, Very Closely. My Favorite Shot Of Osama Bin Laden Was Right Between The Eyes.

Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First Lady Of The United States. She's Here To Announce Her Run For President.

I Vote Democrat Because I Love The Fact That I Can Now Marry Whatever I Want. I've Decided To Marry My German Shepherd.

Happy Birthday To Fay Wray, A Wonderful Actress. She Was, Of Course, In The Movie 'king Kong' And Would Have Been 99-years-old Today. She Was Famous Because Of Her Love Interest With A Giant Ape, And, Wait A Minute, That's Maria Shriver.

I Know You're On The Atkins Diet, But Could You Stop Eating Bacon During Sex?