When You've Been On A

You Can't Be Happy That Fire Cooks Your Food And Be Mad It Burns Your Fingertips.

Are They Real Fires? Or Are People Just Reacting To Something? Just Because There’s An Alarm Going Doesn’t Mean It’s A Fire. And I Think That People Are Confusing The Two. It’s Only A Fire When It Offends The Fans, And The Fans Turn On You. Tosh Has Fans, And They Get The Joke. If You’ve Watched Enough Tracy Morgan, You Let The Worst Thing Go By. When Did Tracy Morgan Become Walter Cronkite? You Have To Mean Something To Me To Offend Me. You Can’t Break Up With Me If We Don’t Date.

They Don't Want You To Vote. If They Did, We Wouldn't Vote On A Tuesday. In November. You Ever Throw A Party On A Tuesday? No. Because Nobody Would Come.

I Don't Think My Comedy Is That Political. It's More Social. But Whatever. When You Make Comedy And You Do Stand-up, You Work Alone. Movies Have To Go Under So Much Scrutiny. A Stand-up Special Is A Vision, And A Movie Is A Consensus In A Lot Of Ways.

People Really Cared More About Women's Hair. But Nobody Takes You Seriously With Jheri Curls Is What We've Deduced. If You Got An Afro And You Go "fight The Power" People Will Follow You. If You Got A Jheri Curl, People Just Laugh.