When You're Done [with Writing

For A While, I Thought The Great Disappointment Of My Life Was That I Don't Have A Family Of My Own. Then It Dawned On Me: That's Not What I Think; That's What Married People Think.

Basically I Wake Up In The Morning And I Think Everything's Going To Be Great. I'm Really Kind Of Optimistic, And I Look Forward To A New Day. I Pick Up 'the New York Times,' And I Look At The Front Page And Realize That Once Again I'm Wrong. I Start To Fixate On Stuff.

I Get An Idea About Something. I Just Start Thinking About It, And Then I Get Onstage And I Talk About It, And Then I Think About It Some More And Talk About It Some More, And Think About It Some More And Talk About It Some More, Until It Starts To Take A Shape.

See... What I Felt They Should Have Done, For Our First Public Works Project, Is Build A Giant Wall... Across The Entire Border Of Canada. Because That's Where The Cold Air Comes From.

My Parents Are The Last Of The Middle Class. My Father Worked For The Government Designing Sea Mines. My Mother Was A Substitute Teacher. Together, They Worked Really Only Until They Were Sixty.