When You're A Comic, It's

I Like My Life Alone.

They've Got Great Parents; I'm Just Trying To Be The Fun Uncle.

I Love Making Videos On My Couch. You Can Put Those On The Internet Fast. I Can Express Myself.

I Don't Care If You Think I'm Racist. I Just Want You To Think I'm Thin.

Also, I Learned Whether You Are Gay, Bisexual, It Doesn't Matter, You Know... Because, At The End Of The Day, They're Both Gross. But Mostly, I Learned That Elderly Black Women Are Wise Beyond Their Years... But Younger Black Women Are Prostitutes.