When It Comes To Idiots,

If Somebody Tries To Tell Me The Earth Was Created In 7 Days I Take A Fossil And Say "fossil". If He Still Won't Shut Up I Throw It At Him.

It Took Forever For Me To Get Work Because I Was A Political Comic, And Now It's Become Good Business, And God Knows How Long That'll Last. You Have To Do It Night After Night After Night To Kind Of Make It. I Still Find Myself On 'piers Morgan' Or On Some Show And I Think, 'i Hope This Is Funny.'

I Do Like Guinness, I Have To Say, Because You Feel Like You're Eating Something.

I'm Always Amazed When I Hear People Saying, "that George Bush, He's A Great Leader". And I Wonder, Where Can One Find A Drug That Would Make One So Delusional?

There Are Two Things I Know About Life... Only The Good Die Young But The Real Jerks Will Live Forever.