What Does It Say, 'i

I Never Think It's Right To Chew Gum In Front Of Other People, But A Lot Of Times I'll Come In For A Meeting Chewing Gum And I'll Forget I'm Chewing It. Then You Don't Want To Swallow It Because It Stays In Your System For Seven Years Or Something, So I've Asked To Throw It Away. I've Started To Wonder If That's Why I Didn't Get Certain Movies.

"our First Conversation Was On The Phone. I Was In The Bathtub, And I Had To Tell Him That I Was In The Bathtub Because I Was Afraid He Would Think I Was, Like, Playing In The Toilet When He Heard Water Swishing Around. [...] Then We Had Breakfast In Santa Monica, And I Spit Egg Inside Of His Mouth When I Was Talking.

If Anyone Wants To Know The Weirdest Thing, It's Getting Your Hair Cut And Seeing It On The News. Terrorists Probably Knew About My Haircut.

As Soon As Somebody Farts Around Me, I Think It's Hilarious. This Is Something My Brothers Did That Now The Boys At Work Are Obsessed With. You Cup It, And Then You Throw It In Someone's Face And Say, ‘take A Bite Out Of That Cheeseburger!'

If I Don't Have Anything To Do All Day, I Might Not Even Put My Pants On.