We've Got The Government Shutdown,

President Bush Spent The Day Calling Names He Couldn't Pronounce In Countries He Never Knew Existed.

The United States Military Is Now Using The Music Of Metallica And Other Heavy Metal Bands To Break The Will Of Saddam Hussein Supporters To Get Them To Talk. Theyre Blaring Heavy Metal Music At Them. That Should Make The Artist Feel Pretty Good, Huh? Put Your Heart And Soul Into Your Last Cd And The Army Is Using It To Torture People.

I Don't Know Why People Are Surprised The French Don't Want To Help Us Get Saddam Out Of Iraq. After All, France Wouldn't Help Us Get The Germans Out Of France.

According To The Mayans, The World Is Supposed To End In The Year 2012. Are You Buying That? When's The Last Time You Even Ran Into A Mayan?

Bush Reiterated His Stand To Conservatives Opposing His Decision On Stem Cell Research. He Said Today He Believes Life Begins At Conception And Ends At Execution.