We All Need A Meaning

I Have To Have A Meaning In My Life. If I Roam Around Without Some Meaning In My Life, I'm In Deep And Serious Trouble. I Can't, I Just Can't Exist.

I Was Sitting At Home And Had A Profound Experience. I Experienced, In All Of My Being, That Someday I Was Going To Die, And It Wouldn't Be Like It Had Been Happening, Almost Dying But Somehow Staying Alive, But I Would Just Die! And Two Things Would Happen Right Before I Died: I Would Regret My Entire Life; I Would Want To Live It Over Again. This Terrified Me. The Thought That I Would Live My Entire Life, Look At It And Realize I Blew It Forced Me To Do Something With My Life.

I Just Don't Seem To Be Capable Of Believing In Evil As Some Separate, Distinct Power Within Itself. I Guess I'm Just Not A Southern Baptist Or A Fundamentalist. I Just Don't Seem To Be Capable Of Believing In It Myself, Somehow. I Don't . . . I Can't Conceive From My Experience How This Force Of Evil Can Exist Without The Force Of Love Being Right There.

I've Always Felt Alienated. I Realized That I've Been Terrified My Entire Life. So I Can Identify That Fear Which Drives So Many Of The People That I Write About.

... I Started To Die 36 Hours Before I Was Born, So Dying Was A Way Of Life For Me.