Usa Today Has Come Out

St. Patrick's Day Is The Fourth Biggest Drinking Day In America. It's Not The Biggest. It's Right Behind New Year's Eve, Fourth Of July, Or Any Secret Service Party.

According To A New Survey, People Who Get Divorced Die Early. People Who Stay Married Live Longer. The Difference Is They Just Wish They Were Dead.

You Can Email Me, But I Prefer Letters That Come Through Conventional Mail. I Like Letters That Have Been Licked By Strangers.

A Lot Of Issues Were On The Ballots. In New York City There Was Proposition 14. That Would Put A Ceiling On The Number Of Late-night Talk Shows. And California Passed Proposition 21. That Would Change Guacamole Officially To Guac.

New York... When Civilization Falls Apart, Remember, We Were Way Ahead Of You.