Tomorrow Is Your Future's Yesterday.

Thank Heaven Election Day Is Over. No More Campaign Ads, No More Mud-slinging, No More Candidates Pretending They're Straight. It's Over!

Donald Trump Showed His Birth Certificate To Reporters. Who Cares About His Birth Certificate? I Want To Know If That Thing On His Head Has Had Its Vaccinations.

I Think In Our Desire To Create A Better America,we Have To Have Civilized Debate In This Country And Not Just Yelling.

At Cbs, I’m In Your House. I’m Mindful Of That. When I Do Standup, You’re In My Home And I Can Say What I Want To.

You Know When You're A Kid And You Think, 'oh No, I've Got Double Math, This Is Never Gonna End,' But Then It Ends, And It's Like It Never Happened? That's Like Life.