Today Would Have Been The

Barack Obama Said He May Negotiate With The Taliban. A Lot Of People Are Saying Okay, But Be Careful. But I Said This Guy Has Experience Negotiating With The Enemy. For Gosh Sake, He Lives With His Mother-in-law, You Know.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz Announced He Is Running For President. Ted Cruz Was Born In Canada, His Father Fled To The United States From Cuba, And Yet Ted Cruz Is Against Immigration. Isn't That Odd?

Did You Hear This? They Say Now Osama Bin Laden And His Buddy Mullah Omar Have Left Afghanistan Dressed As Women. They Dressed Up As Women And Went Across The Border Into Pakistan. I Think They're Going To Make A Movie About It. They're Going To Call It 'some Like It Jihad.'

Mayor De Blasio Wants To Eliminate Garbage. He Believes New York City Produces Way Too Much Garbage. Well, Heck, Forget About Producing Too Much Garbage. What About Late-night Talk Shows?

Arnold Is Now The Front Runner. Everyone Was Snickering About It A Month Ago, Now It Looks Like He Will Be The Next Governor Of California. He Is So Confident He Has Already Chosen A Body Oil For The Inauguration.