Tim Tebow Has Been On

Mitt Romney Is Doing What He Can. He's Trying Very Hard. He Wants To Unite America, The Rich With The Wealthy, The Poor With The Indigent, And The White With The Caucasian.

It Was A Tough Press Conference For President Bush. He Spent The First Ten Minutes Trying To Pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush Insisted That Iraq Is Not Vietnam. Of Course Not, He Avoided Vietnam.

Did You Hear About This Genius That Got On A Plane And Set Fire To His Feet? Turns Out He Had Bombs In His Shoes And The Problem All Started When The Flight Attendants Asked Him Nicely To Extinguish His Feet. He Was Wearing Exploding Sneakers. The New Nike Air-jihads!

In Pop Culture News, Lady Gaga Got Married. And Yes, She Was Wearing White Meat.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.