This Is A Strange Country

You Know Who Boehner Is, Right? He's That Orange Looking Guy. See, For Republicans That Counts As Diversity.

They Were Going Crazy In Kansas. People Were Up To 9 P.m. I Think That Was The Greatest Thing To Happen To Kansas Since The Eradication Of The Boll Weevil.

And Under The New Guidelines Issued By The Obama Administration, Federal Agents Will Not Pursue Pot-smoking Patients In States That Allow Medical Marijuana. This New Policy Is Called 'don't Ask, Don't -- What Was I Talking About?'

If You're A Car Salesman, And Someone Says "this Is A Terrible Car, I'm Not Buying It," It Doesn't Mean They Hate You. They Just Don't Like Your Product. I Think That's A Mistake A Lot Of People In Show Business Make.. They're So Tied To Their Act They Take Everything Personally.

A New Medical Study Reports That Men Who Eat Ten Pizzas A Week Are Less Likely To Develop Prostate Problems At Age 50. That's Because They Are Usually Dead By Age 40.