This Is A Pie Chart

How To Be A Bouncer: Be An Asshole; Stand Near A Door.

If Only Loud People Were Even Half As Interesting As They Think They Are.

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Making A Connection With A Stranger, But Then It Turns Out I'm Not. Like, I Was In A Mall, And I Saw This Lady Hitting Her Kid. So I Went Up To Her, And I Was Like, "yeah, Get Him!" She Got All Mad At Me. I Was Like, "i'm On Your Side Here."

I Want To Commit A Crime During A Reenactment, And Turn It Into An Enactment.

Cotton Candy Is The Perfect Snack For When I'm In The Mood To Eat Dry, Scratchy Fabric.