There Was One Awkward Moment

To Me, Being Brave Is An Element That Is So Important With Stand-up Comedy. It's Not Essential. There Are Many Comics Who Were Just Funny, And That's Fine, Too. But That's Never Been What I Was Trying To Do In Comedy. I Was Always Trying To Do Something That Involved Not Pandering To The Audience.

Let's Make A Law That Gay People Can Have Birthdays, But Straight People Get More Cake - You Know, To Send The Right Message To Kids.

The American People Don't Really Care What Side Of An Issue You're On. They Just Don't Want You To Act Like A Pussy.

If You Belonged To A Political Party Or A Social Club That Was Tied To As Much Bigotry, Misogyny, Homophobia, Violence, And Sheer Ignorance As Religion Is, You'd Resign In Protest. To Do Otherwise Is To Be An Enabler, A Mafia Wife.

I Don't Know If [barack Obama] Saw The Latest Religion Survey, But Almost A Quarter Of The Country Are Nones. I Don't Mean The Ones Who Hit Me On The Knuckles With A Ruler In Sunday School - I Mean They Put "none" For Religion.