There Is No Such Thing

Sarah Palin Has Already Had An Effect On Foreign Relations... The New President Of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, Is In Hot Water, Because Last Week, Sarah Was On A Class Trip To New York, Where She Met Foreign Leaders... And One Of The Leaders She Met Was Zardari, And He Was Gushing Over Her. He Said, Oh, You're More Gorgeous In Person Than You Are On Tv. And So The People In His Home Country Of Pakistan, The Islamists, They Issued A Fatwa On Him, For Being Too 'flirty.' And When Sarah Today Was Told That Zardari Had Gotten A Fatwa Because Of Her, She Said, 'i Know, I Felt It When He Hugged Me.'

That's America For You - A Red Herring Culture, Always Scared Of The Wrong Things. The Fact Is, There Are A Lot Of Creepy Middle-aged Men Out There Lusting For Your Kids. They Work For Mtv, The Pharmaceutical Industry, Mcdonald's, Marlboro And K Street.

Since The Icelandic Volcano Obviously Needs A Virgin Sacrifice And The Catholic Church Obviously Needs New Leadership The Pope Must Volunteer To Jump In The Volcano. Pontiff, Don't Think Of It As Endorsing Paganism, Think Of It As Supersizing Ash Wednesday.

I Used To Stay At The Trump [hotels] And I Just Wouldn't Now. The People Were Great, But I Wouldn't Stay At A 'birther' Hotel.

I Never Hear Terrorists Say 'merry Christmas,' Only 'allahu Akbar'.