There Is No Debate Here,

The Republicans Released Their 'pledge To America.' It's 21 Pages Of Phony Charts And Bad Ideas. Sarah Palin Got A Copy, And She Said, 'how Am I Supposed To Fit All This Crap On My Hand?

People Say To Me All The Time, "i Get My News From Your Show." And That Isn't The Way They Should Get Their News. But The Choice Is Not Between Getting Their News The Right Way And Getting Their News From My Show. The Choice Is That They Won't Get Any At All Unless You Give It To Them In An Entertaining Package.

I Want To Always Be An Interloper. I Never Want To Feel Like I'm A Guy Who Is Embraced By The People Who Are Putting Me On The Air. I Want To Feel Like I Broke Into The Studio And Took Over And Made Them Mad. If I'm Not Doing That, I'm Not Doing My Job.

Is It Like Gay Men Go Into The Priesthood Because They Figure, Well, This'll Solve My Problem. I Can't Be A Homosexual In The Priesthood; It'll Just Go Away. Maybe I'll Try It With The Republican Party.

Your Fuselage Shouldn't Open More Easily Than Your Pretzel Bag.